Germaphobia

You'd have to be an idiot to be a germaphobe. Because if you weren't (an idiot) and you were (a germaphobe), you'd never leave the house. Because you'd know that germs, the grossest germs you can imagine, are everywhere.

Yesterday: I walk by a cafe and through the window I see a fat man wiping his sweaty brow with a napkin. Then he puts the napkin, sweat-side down, on the table. Now, you know that a couple of minutes later, some unsuspecting person is going to sit down at that table and their forearms will be wallowing in this guy's salty essence.

So just get over it. You've got an immune system - use it.

Young women and plumbing skills: Some disturbing trends

Recently published research has highlighted some disquieting sartorial-vocational trends amongst young women. All available data for this demographic group indicate a sharp increase in recent years in the amount of ass crack being shown while bending over, reaching for items, etc. Alarmingly, however, this "ass crack explosion" (as some experts are now calling it) has not been accompanied by a concomitant increase in plumbing skills (see graph below), a correlation that, until recently, had always been strong in North American culture. Social scientists and career counsellors alike are at a loss to explain the weakening of this correlation and experts can only begin to speculate on its impact on society's plumbing needs and, indeed, our very sense of self.