Nemesis

Generally, I oppose wasting time generating negative energy by thinking about nemeses. But I reckon I've amassed a few in my years. One is Jenn Tuthill. She called me a "fucking American" and hit me. And she made up a story about how I tried to woo her by providing her with a semi-naked picture of myself (as if I have anything but totally naked pictures on hand). She laughs all the time, basically in response to any stimulus. And she apparently sounds like a marine mammal when she laughs, because once when she was laughing at the TV, her mom, who was in the other room, thought she was watching a documentary about seals.

I roll with the punches

Lots of English-speaking people I know who come to Montreal with a desire to learn French complain that when they go out in public and try to practice, people in stores, restaurants, etc. switch to English, once they realize they're not talking to a native francophone.

I often have the opposite experience. Like today: I ordered a beverage in a cafe in English, to a native English speaker, who, after hearing me order, switched to French. So, either I have a speech problem in English that makes me sound like a non-native speaker, or I just blend in really well with the locals.

Radio (minus) one

On the CBC this winter, they've been using a new phrase. During the weather reports, when they give the temperature, they give the "high windchill". But the thing is, they give the LOWEST temperature expected...so the high windchill is actually the low windchill. See what I mean?

Can't we just say what we mean? Can't we all just get along?

Pilgrims welcome rain, tie bags to heads

"Rain is always a blessing and for it to fall so hard at the end of our hajj rituals means our sins are washed away and God has accepted our prayers," said a soaked Mohamed Jamal Khan, from the Pakistani city of Peshawar, before a gust of wind blew away the plastic bag the 42-year-old had tied to his head."

(from "Pilgrims welcome rain that lashes Saudi desert as hajj draws to a close", by Adnan Malik, Associated Press, 21 January, 2005)

I really appreciated the detail about the plastic bag tied to the guy's head. If I were a journalist, I would include details like this in all my articles.

ça va baisser au printemps, mon gars

alors hier y sont enfin venus réparer l'hostie de fuite d'eau ou whatever (depuis l'été, il y avait de l'eau qui rentrait dans le sousol et qui sortait du sol devant la maison). zont creusé toute la cour en avant, une hostie de gros trou, l'backhoe et tout...anyway, quand qu'y a fini, l'gars qui conduit l'backhoe frappe à la porte. y me dit que la terre, "c'est comme du pouding", trop mouillée pour la compacter comme y faut, mais qu'elle va baisser au printemps. je lui dis "ok" et une fois qu'y est parti, je va dehors voir de quoi ça a l'air...y a une pile énorme de crottes de terre gelées (un metre de haut, minimum) qui occupe tout le terrain devant la maison. les enfants du quartier vont pouvoir faire du tobaggan là-dessus.

si cette montagne de terre "baisse au printemps", i'll be a monkey's uncle.

Bifurcation

I saw a bifurcated uvula at the hospital today. I'd never seen one in the flesh before.

This is what it looks like:

Eggbert

True story:

Grade 5, we have to make sentences using the vocabulary items we're studying. For the word "fatal", Dennis Roberts writes the following:

"The woman died so fatally, she bought the farm."

I wonder what Dennis is doing these days. He's probably a published author.

Dear Catherine, 31 March

March 31st, 2001

Dear Catherine,

I have been well since we last spoke (even though things ended somewhat badly). The insurance company has said they will pay for most of the damages to the car (and for the cosmetic dental work required for Mrs. Appleby’s Irish setter). The doctor says this neck brace can come off soon. So I am feeling good. The only slight inconvenience has been that the muscle relaxers I have been taking have been giving me blackouts and what appear to be seizures. (Not very serious ones – don’t worry! But I have taken to wearing a mouthguard and helmet when not in public.) Also, I think I am lactose intolerant.

So, how are you? Did you receive the package I sent you? I am assuming so, as I sent it four weeks ago. (Don’t worry about sending a thank-you card. I know you’re busy!) Now, I know you never expressed any interest in reading a book on El Burro Nacional, Mexico’s equivalent of the pony express. However, I think it is a story that needs to be told. Also, the author was in the state hospital with my brother, Larry. (Larry said he was a real “live wire”, always wanting to give someone trumpet lessons, even though no one ever wanted them.)

Well, Catherine, I should go now. I have to be at work soon, and Mr. Carlton gives us heck in a handbasket if we’re late (although I never am. I’m usually early.) I am sending you my best wishes, and I miss you.

Sincerely,
Charles

Tensor veli palatini

Is there a better muscle name than that? This is not a rhetorical question. Holler back, anatomists.

Aspectual distinctions that the White Man can only dream of

If anyone would like to speak to me in African American Vernacular English, now would be the time to do it, as I have just watched an entire season of "The Wire", and my receptive language skills in this dialect are at an all-time high.

Please say it's cookies

Carrots are good for the eyes, yogurt is good for the vagina...is there any food that is beneficial for the penis?

Including, but not limited to, food

In the "grossest abstract I've read this week" category:

Coprophagic café coronary.

Byard RW.

Forensic Science Centre, Adelaide, Australia. byardr01@forensic.sa.gov.au

A 74-year-old man who had been institutionalized for severe multiinfarct dementia was found dead in bed. He had a history of compulsive ingestion of food and other materials, including feces. At autopsy, a 65-g bolus of fecal material was impacted within the laryngopharynx, occluding the inlet of the larynx. This case demonstrates an unusual coprophagic variant of cafe coronary syndrome and emphasizes that demented individuals with pica are at risk of sudden death from ingestion of a wide variety of materials, including, but not limited to, food.

Publication Types:

• Case Reports

PMID: 11444673 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE]

So high I almost touch the sky

Do you think in the song "Wind beneath my wings" when Bette Midler sings "Thank you, thank you, thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings", she is actually thanking some higher power, or is she just using the conventionalized expression "Thank God for X"? The answer to this question really has the potential to impact my enjoyment of the song. (I won't say which interpretation I'd prefer. )

BBD

Friends,

Let us not eschew the worldy wisdom of Bel Biv Devo's mournful exhortation: Never trust a big butt and a smile.

So be it.

Memory du jour

Grade 8ish, Anthony C. is going out with Sarah T. and they have an argument over whether "clear" is a colour. The relationship does not last.

Post script: At the time of this incident, I would not have spelled "colour" with a "u".